Week 5

Hello my name is Mikkel, and I will be filling in for Rachel this week.  So what does that mean for you, our beloved readers of this blog:

Mainly that If you’re reading this blog with any hope of just the slightest hint of something that resembles any kind of information about what we actually did week 5, you should probably leave this blog at this point (honestly how new and interesting could it be, I promise you I would tell you all if we cured poverty,  saved Africa or prayed for any “confused” penguins). 

If you however, like me and sane people in general, are interested in changing the English language once and for all, well please come closer, and take a seat here by the fireplace on Uncle Mikkel’s lap:

Here’s the deal: Why the heck does the English language insist on using the word dictionary? I know, I know, it borders on psychosis, using such a ridiculous sounding French word for something that clearly should rather be called:…wait for it….deep breath………..: “Wordbook”………. Please take a brief moment and let the sheer brilliance of “Wordbook” sink in.

However before I go into further discussion of the Wordbook, let’s go back in time and see why this poor excuse for a few letters in a row making up a word “dictionary” came into the English language.

The word itself actually stems from the French verb to dicitae’ which literally means: “the rabbit may be fast, but the hand that moves the rabbit upon a full moon is faster, and such”. This again of course points back to the famous French baroquian leisure activity of the time, informally called: Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir…an activity which of course again has it’s origin in the even more famous French variety show: los baguettos de Montmartres. It was at during rehearsals at this stage in a heated debate between Gaston, the handsome but slightly to hairy and animalish protagonist of the play, and his muse the beautiful but trouble minded, Belle (from which the American TV-show Saved the belle also originates from), Gaston cried out: ”Ah, woman, howt can I loveth thy when thou canneth loveth thyself, howt can I understand thou when thou cant understandeth thyself?  It is impossibleth. I cannot, thee dicitae… woman thy name is fragile,  thou, should cometh with a (Gaston takes a long, slightly overcooked and dramatic pause) dicitae….tionary.” As soon as Gaston had said this fatal word, the rooster crowed and Napoleon finally defeated the English at Waterloo. The English were once and for all beaten by the French and you would forever need a dictionary to look up a word….

Until now….

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of the English-speaking world, it’s time to unite (note to reader: I advise you all to now put on some fitting music to the following paragraph: God save the queen, the national anthem of USA or Theme from Rocky are all valid suggestions):

There comes a time in every man’s life, where each one of us needs to take stand. A stand for justice, a stand for what’s right… but most of all, a stand for what’s not French (…crowd cheering)! The day has come, my friends. Break free I say, break free from all that has been holding you back, and once and for all do what every American teenage movie the last to centuries tells you to do: Find and be true to who you really are (free tip for those who don’t quite know: usually the answer is: inspiring artist or singer/songwriter who writes music and sings a final gripping freedom anthem, with a key change, about who you really are).

But after that (note to reader again: turn up the volume to theme from Rocky again) get back to the take a stand thing again. Hear, hear the sirens of revolution are calling again. Can’t you all hear the Jerusalem bells are ringing and the Roman Cavalry choirs that are singing… And if you listen very carefully: you can hear them singing:

“Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field”

The war is here: It’s gonna be a fight. But we shall never surrender, until the last breath leaves our bodies, we shall tear out every single page of the dictionaries of the world. Not a single ABC shall be left, until we have painted the world in the letters of the one true hero, the one final source for looking up our beloved words. The words that we all base our sole existence on.

Ladies and gentleman: the rule of the dictionary is soon to be gone. Elvis did leave the building eventually. There is a new ruler in town. His name is Wordbook.

Long live king Wordbook!